Kek Sarang Semut ( Let's go recipe with Cardoza )

Hello world, its been a while since I updated and touch my blogger. So today for the firstime, I would like to share with you about the recipe of Kek Sarang Semut. It is one of my fav since childhood. My mom used to baked this a lott since I was little. reallyy long time ago ~

For current situation, I tried to replicate or try to follow from my mom recipe? I need to baked for myself coz nowdays is really hard to find people sell this cake, especially near my place abc-xyz. ahahahaa. So, lets get started !

Ingredients ; 

1. 4 eggs ( room temperature )
   
2. 1 can of Sweetened creamer
3. 1/2 spoon of Baking Soda
4. 2 spoon of margerine
5. 1 cup of burn sugar
6. 2 cups of flour (stiff)
   

 

Before start mixture of the ingredients, lets do burn sugar first. this is the main element for this recipe. the trick is :

 In a hot pot/pan/wok, heat it up and put 1 cup of regular white sugar.

let it heat up until it slowly turn to brown sugar and turn to black (smells like burn sugar). 

Once it turn to burn sugar, off the heat and put 1 cup of water. and set aside to cool.

*the measurement is 1 cup sugar = 1 cup water

So, lets start do the mixture !

1. Prepare a bowl, add wet ingredients, an eggs, sweetened creamer, margerine. Mix it well by hand or mixer. (if you see margerine lumps, let it be. its good to go next step) then add the burn sugar. mix well.
2. Next, add dry ingredients, flour and baking soda. Mix it well. (if you see lumps, let it be)
3. put some margerine on your baking pan or baking paper, and pour the mixture into the baking pan then preheat the oven for 5mins 180'c. after that put inside and let it baked 45mins or until it smells good and burn a bit on top of the layer.

Let it cool down - DO NOT cut it off when it still hot - warning! Once it cool down, cut the cake and enjoy. can keep on fit air container and last until 3days

Just my thoughts or not?

 Its been worse day for these past few days due to my negative thoughts keep hunting me. Until I decided to contact back or to touch back to people who was here and there for me. 

I just done on called with both of my lively gegirls. Thank God they doing just fine since that day until now. Im glad they doing well in their daily day. So, I plan to hangout for them. Im not sure if its on and go smoothly. And also, probably it could be my last with them. Well, who knows ~~~~

My negative thoughts like... sometimes I want to end my life  or sometimes I feel like. I want to hurt myself. Feels like theres nothing important anymore in this life. The world is sick. People surrounding toxic and environment getting bad. It is a bad year for me and for all of us. But mine, Im not sure if I can handle this emotion. My mental sometimes is ok? And sometimes I feel its not oke at all. I feel fatigue. And always think wanna close my eyes forever. But still breathing. Im not sure for what Im living for. I rather go hell feel the pain. Than staying alive in this sick planet earth with painfull days. 

I've been bad with people nowdays and theres a time I feel funny for myself. Because, Im not talkin or seeing that person anymore. But I am gladly and happily seen his/her status showing that their are justtt doing finee. I like to know about people quietly. And pray for them. That they will always be fine. Seeing other people doing fine is already make me happy yet sitting here alone, is verry not ok at all. 

But its oke. I just wanna spendtime with whoever I want bfore I can't control this negative thoughts consume my mind and soul. Its ok. I wish for you the best in your life. 

Monster too

 It's been hectic and tiredness weeks for me. yess. It's so hard yet I need to go through all of this just to pass these days. I missed the old me. the brave one. the very high self-confident, very kind to everyone, and not a shy person. 

nowdays, I've change a lot. I mean it. a very alott ~ Im a shy person. not confident, easily lost hope, almost everytime gave up easily, and lazy to think that I need to be strong. Im not sure why. probably Im already tired with this world. whenever I want to gave up, I hold my anger, then the an anxiety comes consume my soul. I am an anxiety fighter too but Im just sad. my soul is sad. very2 upset. 

for now, I just need to travel for theraphy. but I can't do theraphy long enough since I got a lot of shits to be done here. its oke. I used to be monster, strict, discipline, very high confident, and a very good adviser to everyone. and also, monster have feelings too ;')

Moon and Sun

 I wish I could understand what you're thinking of me. So, I can explain to you and we can stay together. BUT, you rather to choose avoid and think of me that I am like that kind of person.

I'm bz with study, family, and more plans that going through in my day. Not everything I can explain and say it in words. Its sad knowing a friend like you. hving a bad attitude and act shit with me.  I just want having a friends who thinks like :

"I understand why she act like that.."

"ooh, she is bz now. its oke, later she will contact us bck..:

"even she bz, lets just pray for her and wait for her.."

no matter how bz and where I am, I always remember and keep in mind whos there with me and a great friend of mine. too bad FACT, almost most of it like that. no one understand what Im thinking and who I am exactly. Its ok, losing a friend like you. doesn't make me dead, But Im not sure in the future someday I might missing you.

you be happy with that way, then Me too. because like a Moon who doesn't understand why Sun is hot and Sun can't understand why the moon shape is not the same like always.

Dear Teddy,

Comfort myself

It's been 5 years living abroad and 1 year 1 month l living without a home. Why do I said so? It's because without Mom, it can be never called a home. And yes. I've been through that all these years. 

It so hard for me and its been harder now. My depression and an anxiety getting worse but thanks to the guy that I loved. Always there with me. And my friend. Now, I never recall when was the last time I have a best happy moment. I can't do anything much for now yet I only proceed my study as usual, complete the assignment and do revision a bit. But the vibes and the emotion will always remain the same which is Stress and sadness that I've been holding on in my chest. Im verry upset and sadnesss always in me. I want to be happy too. But the happy that I gain will never be the same. It feels like something missing. Probably bcoz I missed my mom so much. 

I thought being a bz person is good. Bcoz focusing do works and gain experience everyday coz Im already grown up. But the biggest mistake I do in my life is, I never thought about home/family. Then I realize after that. Being a bz person is not good and its not important of being bz if you don't remember about home. Being a bz person is such a pain ass coz it makes you forget about home. Now I truly understand what it means by "if it's important to you, you always make time and bz is never exist. Bz exist when you think about being bz only.