Shiny Stars

you are shinning like the Gold Stars, Unfortunately, it's not for me. Probably for someone else. Because you gimme an options of take the doors and live with our own separate ways. huh.

I thought you convince me to stayed with you coz you need me. But oke, Now I get it. Before and currently is not the same. fine.

It's sad to accept the fact that I'm no longer the person that you needed the most. but you know what's the other facts that really pain to accept? I still care and love you. auuch </3

One Hundred Days

What is 100 days about? Why 100 days? - simple question with meaningful answer. jyeah ~

I've been drowning in the ocean full of toxic that causes my mental and health weak. I though, my life is gonna end soon. I almost give up on life. I lose confident. I don't believe in love and happiness already. I wanna shut down forever. I wanna lock myself away from the world. You and I know, we both know that we're living in the world full of curses and sins. I almost believe that there's no room of happiness in life again. again? hmm.

One day, who knows that a guy that I known by his name only turn out to be a mystery and huge curiosity after I woke up from that dream. Because, I never woke up from dreams and left me clueless. It makes me miss him so much. It hurts me. Probably because I can't do anything about it and Im speechless. But then, the day we've meet up. I know. I feel calm and safe just stay beside him. ehee. I try my best not to show it much but deep inside, I never feel calm like that after soooo long ~

Day by day, the feelings of liking him is getting strong. ehhh? 

the day I want to accept him..is kinda hard decision ever. because it involved .. almost everything. So, I decided on 100th days is the day I want to accept him - in person. Unfortunately, MCO is extending. 

errr, finally, I accept him! Im not sure how.but it just did. aiish.

New Year, same Old Pain

 

not trying to be deep, but no one actually knows me properly. and that's included you...

if you ask me what I want now, I just want to disappear with heartless emotions inside of me. I don't want to feel loved, cared, missing, sad, happy, curious, confused, angry and more. bcoz when I have these, most of the time human not appreciated it at all. instead they blame me for not understanding them also the environment that they face.

I just want something free. what is free in this world?

Reassurance,

Time,

Affections,

Love.

Not fair if in order to be happy, have to go through this stage first. History list already dark and pain need more to add in the list of my life? well, it seems that way.