the Deeper

The Deeper you are, the harder it becomes for you to find someone who wants to hve a rlationship with you. you can go out on a lot of dates but at some point the rlationship fails to progress any further and that is mainly bcoz of the intensity of your depth. Not every man is strong enough to handle a deep women. Here's why :-

A deep women asks deep Questions. A deep women will probe further into your life and ask questions tht you may not be prepared to answer. Even on the first date, she will dig deeper and ask personal and philosophical questions - she will nver enjoy a shallow cnversation.

A deep women is honest. Tooo honest - often blunt. A deep women takes her integrity seriously and one thing she believes in is honesty. is you ask her anything, she will tell you the truth and she expects the same from you.

A deep women knows what she wants. Or who she wants. A deep women knws right away if she likes you and doesn't need to date around or explore her other options to be sure of her feelings. Her heart only beats for a special few people and she knws them right away. 

A deep women wants a deep relationship. She wants long cnversation about your life, she wants to hear stories abt your past, she wants to undrstand your pain and she wants to add value to your life. she wants a real relationship tht goes beyond going out and hving fun.

A deep women is not afraid of intimacy. she is not afraid of getting closer or risking getting hurt in process. she doesn't think it will entrap her freedom or make her vulnerable. her depth and intimacy go hand in hand and she will always cherish the beauty on intimacy in rlationship. 

A deep women sees through you. She can see who you really are and what makes you vulnerable. she is not the one to hold bck from pointing out what she sees in you or how well she can read you. even though it mkes you uncomfortable, she wants you to knw that she undrstands you and that you can be yourself around her.  

A deep women craves consistency. she gets turned off by inconsistency or flaky behavior. she desires a strong connection and a solid bond and she knws that consistency is the foundation of that bond. A deep women will not participate in the dating games.

  A deep women is intense. She may be slightly intimidating bcoz she brings intensity to everything she does. her emotions are intense and so are her thoughts. she will nver be indifferent about things tht matter to her. - not everyone is strong enough to handle her intensity.

A deep women only knws how to love deeply. If you can't love her deeply, she will walk away. she doesn't knw how to casually date someone she's really into or be friends with someone she has feelings for. A deep women knws when someone can't meet her halfway and she will slowly detach herself from anyone who is not willing to gve her the deep love she is looking for.

A deep women won't wait for you. she will not wait for you to make up your mind or watch you be hesitant about her. she is strong and passionate and will not waste her emotions on someone who doesn't appreciate their depth. Even though she is looking for a special kind of love, a deep women is not afraid of being on her own. 

Put yourself in my shoes

Maybe I had a bad day at home. Maybe im sick of the rain. Maybe im having the period from Hell. Or maybe I just need to be fed.

But the root of my mood is the least important thing right now.
Remember that im sorry.
If anything I said hurt to you, im sorry. I tend to say cruel things I don’t actually mean when im in a mood, but just bcoz they’re fueled by anger doesn’t mean that they dnt hurt you.

But remember that im also not sorry.
I wont apologize for having feelings. For being a person. Let me be. Let me feel. I knw it sucks, but this moment, im moody and theres nthing you can do to chnge that, except let me it all out, so it can go away.

Remember that im human.
We all hve good days, and bad days And sometimes I hve good days for absolutely no reason. And sometimes I hve bad days for absolutely no reason.

Remember that its not you.
If you were the problem, if you were the reason why im moody right now, trust me, you would know. Whatever it is, you need to let me feel it. No judgements.

Remember that iloveyou and youloveme.
Eventhough im being a total pain in the ass right now, remember that this is a part of me. This is a part of the women you love, the person you fell for.

Remember that you get into moods, too.
Im not crazy. Im just being crazy for the time being. And like me, you’re human. You do the same thing, while you dnt hve PMS, you definitely hve a time of the month whre you get moody as hell. So put yourself in my shoes – when you’re in a bad mood. How do want to be treated?

Remember that if I wanted to be alone, I would be alone.
You’re here, bcoz despite my mood. I need you by my side. I want you by my side. While it may not show, knowing you’re here with me makes me feel better. Bcoz you make me feel safe, like everthings gonna be okei.

To the Guy..

To the Guy who broke me,

I gave it my best shot. I did all that I could to save our story. I gave it all, but I lose the only thing I wanted most. you were not what I thought you'd be. I thought that with every effort I gave, I would have the same love returned. But at last, I cannot have been more naive.

I was this silent girl, who seats at the back of a classroom. I was what they call an 'outsider' for I had my own little word, a world found in the pages of the books I read. Friends? I have only a few, but they were true. Thoughts on love was purely from my own understanding of what characters in my books portrayed, stories of my friends and observations of others. i hate love, but also wished i could hve the chance to experience it. i hated the pain that love brought, but i dreamt of the butterflies in my stomach and chaos in my brain.

Thats when you came in. i nver expected it. i despised you bcoz you were everything i wasn't. you fool around as often as you can crack a corny joke, which i concluded was very often. you nver seemed to carry the kind of respect i hve for love. you play around with it and get over it as quickly as 1 2 3.

you were boisterous. i was Not. you were confident, i was not. you were friendly, i definitely was not. you had a string of lovers, i only had none. but what caught my attention? you made me laugh. Ehemm. Did you make me crack up. you made me feel safe. you made me feel special. you encouraged me. you gve me butterflies in my stomach. you made my organized brain chaos, so was this it? was this my love?

i thought so too. Although, i detested the pain tht love was bound to offer, i accpted you. i let you in. i did my best to prove tht i was better than all your ex's. i ignored what little friends i hve. i ignored their constant warnings. i ignored their comments. Bcoz .. i found love. and found love i did, every single bit.To the joyous, magnificent ones, down to the hurt and painful moments. Oh, how i cried! every single tear, not bcoz of losing you, but of the pain tht i felt from every effort i wasted on the wrong person.

But you knw what? you came back. I wasn't ready to accpt you. i built myself a wall. Something far thicker and taller than i had bfore. i was ready to push you away, not one thing clicked, "why?"
Why did you come bck? why did you leave in the first place? there are so mny questions. but you've answered them. and i knw you were telling truth, bcoz  i can see it in your eyes. you cried. you begged. you went down on your knees and asked for forgiveness, but i already frgive you. i nver held a grudge. i nver were mad. i had long frgiven you. but letting you in my heart is another story. Something far more tedious and challenging than bfore.

But months of pushing you away, and continuing, i hve got to say tht you're a strong one. you nver felt. even when i begged, screamed, cried, punched, pushed you. you nver felt. i was giving you a hard time and here you are, accpting everything. i did all tht i could to hurt you, you stayed. then i asked why? That was when i knew you've learned. That was when i knew you'd stay for sure. 

you've grown up. you matured. and i am certain, this time, you're here to stay.
you see, it is not our mistakes that define us, it is how we learn from them that does.

The girl who has finally accepted.