To the Guy..

To the Guy who broke me,

I gave it my best shot. I did all that I could to save our story. I gave it all, but I lose the only thing I wanted most. you were not what I thought you'd be. I thought that with every effort I gave, I would have the same love returned. But at last, I cannot have been more naive.

I was this silent girl, who seats at the back of a classroom. I was what they call an 'outsider' for I had my own little word, a world found in the pages of the books I read. Friends? I have only a few, but they were true. Thoughts on love was purely from my own understanding of what characters in my books portrayed, stories of my friends and observations of others. i hate love, but also wished i could hve the chance to experience it. i hated the pain that love brought, but i dreamt of the butterflies in my stomach and chaos in my brain.

Thats when you came in. i nver expected it. i despised you bcoz you were everything i wasn't. you fool around as often as you can crack a corny joke, which i concluded was very often. you nver seemed to carry the kind of respect i hve for love. you play around with it and get over it as quickly as 1 2 3.

you were boisterous. i was Not. you were confident, i was not. you were friendly, i definitely was not. you had a string of lovers, i only had none. but what caught my attention? you made me laugh. Ehemm. Did you make me crack up. you made me feel safe. you made me feel special. you encouraged me. you gve me butterflies in my stomach. you made my organized brain chaos, so was this it? was this my love?

i thought so too. Although, i detested the pain tht love was bound to offer, i accpted you. i let you in. i did my best to prove tht i was better than all your ex's. i ignored what little friends i hve. i ignored their constant warnings. i ignored their comments. Bcoz .. i found love. and found love i did, every single bit.To the joyous, magnificent ones, down to the hurt and painful moments. Oh, how i cried! every single tear, not bcoz of losing you, but of the pain tht i felt from every effort i wasted on the wrong person.

But you knw what? you came back. I wasn't ready to accpt you. i built myself a wall. Something far thicker and taller than i had bfore. i was ready to push you away, not one thing clicked, "why?"
Why did you come bck? why did you leave in the first place? there are so mny questions. but you've answered them. and i knw you were telling truth, bcoz  i can see it in your eyes. you cried. you begged. you went down on your knees and asked for forgiveness, but i already frgive you. i nver held a grudge. i nver were mad. i had long frgiven you. but letting you in my heart is another story. Something far more tedious and challenging than bfore.

But months of pushing you away, and continuing, i hve got to say tht you're a strong one. you nver felt. even when i begged, screamed, cried, punched, pushed you. you nver felt. i was giving you a hard time and here you are, accpting everything. i did all tht i could to hurt you, you stayed. then i asked why? That was when i knew you've learned. That was when i knew you'd stay for sure. 

you've grown up. you matured. and i am certain, this time, you're here to stay.
you see, it is not our mistakes that define us, it is how we learn from them that does.

The girl who has finally accepted.