Everyday is youu

Its very hurt everyday i remember every little tiny things. erm. errmm. well, very long time didnt log in and updated blogger. So, how are you all? hope fine. ermm? abt me? im..ermm. i admit. im not fine. ahhah. idk. but right now i cry infront my laptop. at kolej while waiting my classes started. Now outside this wide window. is raining. as they fall tell the story.

 So you all knew right. i got my new life now. Im with capital i. My bloved capital i. errmm. idk how to start the story but right now. whats in mind is worry abt him. I think abt him everyday. huhh. the storm raining now. its cold here. hurrm. imisshim, thats all i can say for now :'( imiss spending time togther with him. imiss his scent. his voice his warm hand and everything abt him imissit. i just miss it. and i really want him now. now. erm. idk why i think and felt like this all the time. I just wanna tellhim abt this but cant. i will knw his response must be lazy to talk to me >.<

All this time, i nver hate someone. or if that someone mess up with me. i will settle it facetoface then the nxtday, i will frgot abt it. ermm. but. my firstime like this. i mean. ermm. someone just mess up wit me, and since tht happen, i . i hve no idea what else to do. i really hate it. if that couldnt happen, then i would be happy now. 
Idnt care ex or ex. enemy and so on. but its already happen. like you split it on the floor but cant take it bck. SHE did that. and HIM was just like. *Ohh. imissyou*
Everyday, i always think. why he do like tht. anything that he do wrong connected wit tht girl .. haiih. i cant ask my heart to keep thinking thres nthing. but my heart keep broken. I hard to breath everyday. I hard to walk alone while thinking like tht. I dnt wanna tell him everything what i've been through all this time. even now im far away.

anyway, isn't great doing this updated story. while listening fav song She will be loved and watching rain drops outside. i mean raining heavily. huhu. soo cold now. my tears dry already. So whre were we? Ohhh.
ermm. I already told him everything. he just still said like tht. not in paragraph but few sntences. hurrmm. I rather living in my old life. with my shit past than this. but now my life wit him. I do still lovehim even he soo much do anything wrong. but my heart cannot be heal anymore. its outdated for it. coz mny times shit happen. ermm. I read his old past. erm. such a wnderful memory. best life. better than now. I can see it the way he talks. he do. and me? ermm k. nthing best memories. only wit bestfriends. school. but him. erm. idk. i just feel guilty he wit me. mybe I shouldn't accpt him in my life? err. no. ilovehim. i do waiting him for so long. I really feel regret lastime i didnt show up and didnt make him a cnhce to be wit me. but he wit smeone else. erm. I reallyy feelin regret until now. why im late. why i. i.. :'(
haiih. i just cant keepin this for so longg. but i dnt wanna make a mess. i dnt want. ilovehim. i really misshim.

I used to posted his picture. Our pictures. abt us at media social but now its really rare. mybe bcoz i be a friend with tht bitch? bcause i dnt wanna hurt her feelin? whattt? ahaha. see. i take care of peoples feeling. but no one ever takecare of mine :'/
 Look, since im here, i feel so lonely. I see mny things around me. everywhre but i didnt say much. i didnt talk much. Everytime i go to class. eat or anything. It must be alone. im not sad abt it but,i hate it when im like tht and my mind still think abt past. it hurts me a lot. like a knife stab my chest 10 million times!!
Everytime we chatting, i always hold my tears to not crying. if i do. i try to not show it to him. and this is why im so easily emotional. argue nonsense with him. coz i mix up all my feelings and my memory when chat with him. and he still dnt get it why i always act like tht. do like tht. erm. mybe he thinks i like to do smething or act stupid childish like tht right. aha. whtever. im hurted. hurmm.

i wish im not coming bck to kk until i fulfill frget all things tht i shouldnt keep in memory. if can. i. i dnt wanna meet him even ilovehim and missinghim soo mucchh. its not bcoz i dnt want him. it just ... im hurted. idk what else to do. i just wanna be alone. If i met him now, i just wanna hold his hand. and stay silent. i really misshimm. damn. my head really hurt. later we cntinue k.