between fire and skyy

You were the fire,

I was the sky,

two different worlds

learning how to align.

You carried warmth like the sun,

I carried dreams like the stars,

both of us with hidden battles,

both of us carrying scars.

We were never perfect,

never promised an easy way,

but somehow we kept finding

reasons to choose each other every day.

When life became heavy,

when our families brought storms,

when our hearts grew tired

from trying to stay strong,

you held my hand through the chaos,

I stood beside you through the rain,

not because we had no struggles,

but because we knew love was worth the pain.

You taught me that love can be patient,

I taught you that hearts can grow,

that two people with broken pieces

can still create something whole.

Maybe we are fire and sky,

different in every way,

but somehow we meet in the middle

at the end of every day.

So here’s to our future,

to the dreams we’re still chasing,

to the jobs we’re still waiting for,

to the lives we’re slowly creating.

May we keep learning each other,

keep laughing, keep trying, keep choosing us,

because love was never about being perfect.

it was about staying

when leaving would have been easier.

And after every storm we survive,

I hope we look back and see:

two souls who kept growing,

two hearts who chose to be.

still choosing us

Almost the end of June,

another month passing by,

with dreams held quietly in our hands

and hopes we refuse to let die.

I pray for a door to open,

a chance to finally begin,

a place where my efforts are valued,

where a new chapter can start within.

And I pray the same for you,

that life becomes a little kind,

that the weight you carry every day

slowly leaves your heart and mind.

We both come from places

that taught us how to survive,

families with their own storms,

battles we carry inside.

We have our own wounds,

our own fears, our own flaws,

days when loving feels difficult,

days when we struggle to pause.

But somehow, through everything,

through the tears and the pain,

we still find reasons to stay,

to choose each other again.

Maybe love was never meant

to be a perfect road,

maybe it is two tired souls

helping each other carry the load.

I hope we keep learning,

keep growing side by side,

not because life is easy,

but because we choose to try.

May we become softer,

more patient, more true,

building a love that feels safe

for me and for you.

So as June comes to an end,

I whisper this little prayer:

may we find our dreams,

may we heal our scars,

and may we still find each other there.

Because after everything we’ve faced,

after every storm we’ve known,

we are still two hearts learning

how to make a home.

a little light for you

When the world becomes too loud,

and your heart becomes too tired,

remember there is still a light

waiting beyond the fire.

Not every season blooms,

not every sky stays blue.

Even the strongest trees

lose leaves before they grow anew.

You have lost, you have worried,

you have cried more than I know,

but inside your heart still lives

a strength that continues to grow.

So take my hand, my friend,

on the days you cannot see.

I will remind you of your worth

until you remember it yourself.

Because you are not the storms,

you are not the pain you've known.

You are a soul still healing,

still finding your way home.

friend's experience and mine

I understand why you see your friends' relationships that way. I understand that after facing a hard world, you want your relationship to be a place where you feel safe, calm, and at peace. I don't disagree with wanting that.

But I also believe that peace doesn't always mean never having arguments. Sometimes two people can love each other deeply and still have misunderstandings, different feelings, or moments where they hurt each other. What matters to me is what we do after that, whether we try to understand each other, take responsibility, and choose to become better together.

I have seen couples who went through difficult moments, said things they regretted, and still stayed because at the end of the day they still cared about each other and didn't want to lose what they built.

I don't want us to keep hurting each other or living in constant stress. I want peace with you too. But my hope is that we don't measure our relationship only by how many arguments we have. I hope we also look at how much we care, how we try, and whether we are both willing to choose each other when things are not easy...

the Answer i was hoping to hear.

I asked you, again and again,

“What do you want now?”

Not because I wanted you

to carry everything for me.

Not because I couldn’t choose.

But because my heart was searching

for a sign that you were still here.

I was hoping you would say,

“I still want us.”

“I’m tired, but I don’t want to lose you.”

“Let’s figure this out together.”

But instead, you asked me,

“Decide for yourself.”

And I became quiet.

Because how do I decide

when my heart is still waiting

to know if it is being chosen?

How do I know whether to hold on

or let go,

when the person I love

is standing beside me

but I cannot feel where they stand?

I know I have my flaws.

I know my emotions can become heavy.

I know sometimes my words come out wrong

when my heart is only asking to be understood.

I never wanted arguments.

I never wanted to destroy the peace

you were searching for.

I was only trying to say,

“Please don’t give up on me so quickly.”

“Please don’t see my worst moments

as the only version of me.”

Because behind my anger

is a heart that cares.

Behind my tears

is someone afraid of losing you.

But now I am faced with a question

I never wanted to answer alone…

Do I keep fighting for us

when I don’t know if you are still fighting too?

Do I stay because I love you,

or do I leave because I am tired

of wondering if I am still wanted?

Maybe the hardest part is not choosing.

Maybe the hardest part is realizing

that I wanted you to choose me too...

am I being too much to Love??

Am I allowed to be this real?

With all my emotions spilling over,

with my words coming out messy,

with my heart trying to explain

what my mouth does not know how to say.

I never wanted a fight.

I never woke up wishing for an argument.

I never planned to become a storm

inside the home I wanted to feel safe in.

I was only trying to say,

“Please understand me.”

“Please hear what I cannot say calmly.”

“Please remind me that we are still choosing each other.”

But somehow my pain became a problem.

My feelings became a burden.

My attempts to be honest

became something you wanted to escape from.

You said you wanted peace.

But I wonder…

Was peace supposed to mean

a home without arguments,

or a home where two people

still choose to stay through them?

Because when you said

you were tired,

you wanted to give up,

you were done facing this again…

Those words did not feel like peace.

They felt like a door closing

while I was still standing outside,

wondering if I was still your wife,

or just someone you were slowly letting go of.

I asked you,

“Do you still want me?

Do you still want to be my husband?”

But instead of an answer,

you gave me a question.

“Ask yourself.”

And now I am lost…

Because I know my flaws.

I know I can be emotional.

I know sometimes my heart speaks louder

than my patience.

But I never wanted a perfect person.

I only wanted my person

to hold my hand and say,

“We will learn this together.”

So tell me…

Am I too much to understand?

Am I too difficult to choose?

Or am I just a person

still learning how to love

without hurting the one I love?

Because even my worst sides

are still parts of me.

And I only wanted to know…

After seeing all of me,

the beautiful and the broken,

do you still see

a future with me???

The Answer I Never Say

“How are you?” they ask,

and I smile like it is an easy question.

“I’m good.”

“I’m fine.”

“I’m okay.”

Three small words

that carry the weight

of everything I cannot explain.

Because the truth is…

I am tired.

I am heartbroken.

I have a thousand things inside my chest

that are begging to be heard.

I want to say,

“Please stay for a while.

I don’t need you to fix me,

I just need someone to listen.”

But then I remember

everyone has their own storms.

Everyone is fighting battles

they don’t talk about.

So I swallow my pain,

fold it neatly,

and put it away

like it does not need a place to exist.

I wonder…

Is it selfish to ask for comfort

when someone else is hurting too?

Is it wrong to need a hand

when other hands are already tired?

Maybe I forgot

that hearts were never meant

to carry everything alone.

Maybe asking,

“Can you sit with me for a moment?”

is not a burden.

Maybe saying,

“I’m not okay today,”

is not weakness.

Maybe I don’t need

to explain every broken piece

before someone is allowed

to care.

So if you ask me again,

“How’s life going?”

Maybe one day

I will stop saying “I’m fine.”

Maybe I will say,

“I’m struggling,

but I’m still here.

And if you have the space,

I would like someone to talk to.”

how many Carrats i am? fourteen june

"How Many Carats Am I?"

I know I am not the easiest stone to hold,

I have edges that cut,

corners that are not perfectly shaped,

and cracks I try to hide from the world.

I feel too much,

I speak too fast when my heart is heavy,

my anger sometimes arrives before my understanding,

and my words become storms

when all I wanted was to be heard.

I know loving me is not always a gentle journey.

Sometimes I become the fire

that burns the hands trying to protect me.

Sometimes my fears become walls

between the person I love and me.

But I am learning that a diamond

is not valuable because it has no flaws.

It is precious because it survives pressure,

because it is shaped through the hardest moments.

So I wonder…

If I am a diamond in your eyes,

after seeing my darkest sides,

after witnessing my emotions,

my mistakes, my battles with myself…

How many carats would I be worth to you?

Would you see only the scratches on my surface,

or the strength it took for me to remain shining?

Would you hold me like something rare,

or leave me like something too difficult to polish?

I do not ask to be loved as a perfect gem.

I only hope that when you see my imperfections,

you still remember the beauty

of the diamond you chose to keep....

maybe should not trust on Love

if my existence makes your life miserable,

then i will dissappear,

to make you peace again once you had before.

those nights were bad..maybe.

I remembered the nights

where my voice turned into storms,

calling your name

like it could pull you back to me.

The walls heard everything

the shaking in my chest,

the prayers that broke apart

before they even reached the sky.

I blamed myself

for every silence,

every wound,

every goodbye that lived between us.

I wondered if love alone

was not enough to make someone stay.

There were days

I could not leave my bed,

where the ceiling became the only witness

to how hard a heart can grieve.

No water touched my lips.

No food could stay.

Only tearss

endless tears

until exhaustion forced my eyes shut.

And when morning came,

the pain woke up before I did.

I screamed quietly after that,

the kind of scream

that never leaves the mouth,

only echoes inside the ribs.

I prayed to God

with trembling hands,

asking Him

why losing someone

could feel like losing myself too.

But somewhere between those nights,

between the broken prayers

and the aching loneliness,

I survived another sunrise.

Not because I was strong,

but because hearts, somehow,

keep beating

even after they shatter.

And maybe one day

I will remember those nights

without drowning in them.

Maybe one day

my name will stop sounding guilty

inside my own head.

Maybe one day

the girl who cried herself to sleep

will finally rest

without blaming herself

for being human.

the voices echoes..

Healthy relationships are not about never arguing. They are about whether both people can return to respect after emotions settle.

And it is okay if the raised voice still hurt you. Being understanding does not mean pretending it did not affect your heart.

Sometimes anger comes out badly when someone feels unheard, hurt, stressed, or emotionally flooded. That explains behavior, but it should not become an excuse to repeat harmful patterns.

lalala ~

Usually, when someone says

“I lied because I didn’t want it to become an issue,”

it often means they were trying to avoid conflict, discomfort, guilt, or a difficult conversation. That explains why they lied, but it does not automatically make the lie harmless. A relationship can survive mistakes, but trust changes when honesty changes.

But if lying becomes the “solution” every time conflict appears, then the relationship slowly becomes built on managing reactions instead of understanding each other.

Also, it’s important to look at both sides gently:

..Some people lie because they are manipulative.

..Some people lie because they are scared of disappointing someone.

..Some people lie because every discussion turns into a fight, so they avoid truth to keep peace.

None of those make lying “good,” but the reason matters when deciding whether trust can heal.

--- waitt blog... ermm... if a person started to lied at first place and *dare* means the person doesn't value the partner at all. huuu

which one important? trust or compulsory sugarcoat?

Dear me,

I know your heart is tired from trying to understand whether love can still feel safe after honesty was broken. You keep replaying every conversation, every reaction, every moment where you wondered if you were “too much,” too emotional, too sensitive, too difficult to love.

But wanting honesty does not make you difficult.

You were not asking for perfection.

You were asking to feel included in the truth.

And yes, maybe there were moments where your emotions became heavy, where hurt turned into frustration, where fear made your voice sharper than you intended. But pain does not erase your sincerity. Loving deeply is not the same as being impossible to love.

Please stop carrying all the blame alone.

A relationship is not built by one person’s patience only. It is built by two people choosing honesty even when the conversation feels uncomfortable. If someone hides the truth to avoid conflict, it does not automatically mean you are unworthy of honesty. It means the relationship had wounds in communication that both people were struggling to handle.

You do not need to become emotionless to deserve love.

You do not need to shrink your feelings just to make someone stay.

The right kind of love will not make you feel like asking for reassurance is a crime. It will not make you question whether your pain is “too much” every time you express it. Healthy love still has misunderstandings, fears, and arguments — but it also has effort, accountability, softness, and truth.

And if trust feels different now, that is normal. Hearts do not return to safety overnight after disappointment. Healing takes time. Not because you are weak, but because your feelings were real.

So please be gentle with yourself.

You are still learning.

Still growing.

Still deserving of honesty.

Still deserving of peace.

And one day, you will no longer beg for clarity from people who only give confusion. You will stop trying to translate mixed signals into love. You will realize that real care should not leave you constantly questioning your worth.

Until then, breathe slowly through this ache.

You are not hard to love for wanting truth.

You are not toxic for feeling hurt.

And you are not broken just because your heart still hopes for sincerity.

Love,

myself..

is it wrong to expecting some good things??

Sometimes when I said

“maybe we should end this,”

what I truly meant was

“please fight for us.”

Please hold my breaking heart

before it convinces itself

that leaving is easier

than feeling unwanted.

I did not say it

because I stopped loving you.

I said it after carrying

too many quiet hurts

for too long.

I thought maybe,

just maybe,

you would stop me.

Tell me not to go.

Remind me that love

was still here beneath the damage.

But you agreed so quickly

that it felt like...

you had been standing at the exit

long before I opened the door.

And now somehow

the story paints me

as the reason everything collapsed.

As if my breaking point

appeared out of nowhere.

As if exhausted hearts

simply wake up one day

and choose goodbye.

You point at my final reaction

without remembering

all the moments

that slowly pushed me there.

And maybe that is

the cruelest part...

not losing you,

but realizing

how easily my pain

became evidence against me

instead of proof

that I was hurting too.

open the door : transparency.

Some people think love survives

through grand gestures,

through staying,

through never raising their voice.

But sometimes love survives

through honesty.

Through the trembling sentence of

“this hurt me.”

Through the courage of

“I don’t know how to explain this properly yet,

but I don’t want to hide it from you.”

Transparency is not perfection.

It is choosing not to let silence

grow mold in the corners of a relationship.

Because unspoken feelings

do not disappear.

They wait.

They collect.

They become storms

inside people who kept saying

“it’s okay”

when it wasn’t.

And maybe love was never meant

to be mind-reading.

Maybe it was always meant

to be two people

gently opening locked doors

for each other,

again and again,

even when their hands shake.

:: A relationship usually struggles more from unspoken resentment than from difficult but honest conversations...

am i a bad girl partner???

It does not mean you are a “bad” partner.

Usually, patience becomes shorter when 

emotions have been building up for a long time underneath. Especially when someone feels: unheard, uncertain, emotionally unsafe,

dismissed, orr constantly waiting for reassurance and clarity.

A lot of people think patience is just personality, but often it is connected to emotional exhaustion. If you keep trying to communicate calmly while feeling confused or hurt inside, eventually your reactions become stronger because your heart is already carrying too much.

And being a girl does not mean you must always be endlessly patient, soft, or emotionally composed. You are still human. You can love deeply and still reach your emotional limit.

im sorry couldn't love you the way you wanted all the time ....

we done because of what??

Sometimes the painful part is when someone says “everything is fine” over and over, but later brings out hidden frustrations during an argument. That can make you feel blindsided, confused, and exhausted because you were trying to work things out with honesty while carrying worries alone.

And when hurt keeps building without clear conversations, patience eventually breaks. Reaching your limit does not erase the care you gave.

my Love was never the problem.

Dear me,

My love was never something shameful.

I loved with softness. I asked questions because I cared, not because I wanted control. I searched for reassurance because I wanted safety, honesty, and closeness. not because I wanted perfection.

I need to stop punishing myself for wanting communication.

I tried. I checked in gently. I asked if there was anything wrong. I opened the door for conversations many times. If someone keeps saying “nothing is wrong” while carrying hidden hurt inside, I cannot blame myself for not reading silence correctly.

I am not difficult for wanting clarity. I am not disrespectful for wanting reassurance. I am not weak for needing to feel valued.

Yes, maybe my emotions became heavy at times. Maybe the hurt made my reactions stronger than I wanted. But pain does that when someone feels unheard for too long.

I need to remember this:

A relationship should not make me beg to feel important.

Love is not supposed to feel like constantly proving my intentions while my own feelings are questioned. Love should allow two people to speak honestly before resentment grows into weapons during arguments.

I know I am tired.

Tired of replaying every moment. Tired of wondering whether I asked for “too much.” Tired of carrying guilt for simply wanting emotional safety.

But my heart was sincere.

And even if this relationship breaks, it does not mean I failed at loving someone. It only means two people struggled to understand each other in the way they both needed.

I deserve conversations that happen before things explode.

I deserve reassurance that is given with care, not reluctance.

I deserve a love where softness is not treated like a burden.

For now, I will stop turning all the blame toward myself.

I loved genuinely.

And that matters.

..myself..

Feeling afraid does not cancel out genuine Love.

Dear me,

Please stop turning your fears into proof that you are difficult to love.

You ask too many questions inside your own head and then punish yourself for having them. You worry that needing reassurance means you are immature. You worry that overthinking means your love is not genuine enough.

But maybe your heart is simply trying to protect itself while loving honestly.

You are not wrong for wondering where you stand in someone’s life — especially when that person has loved and lost before you. You are not cruel for feeling nervous about becoming temporary. And you are not selfish for wanting to feel chosen, certain, and secure.

Loving someone with a past does not mean you must erase your own fears completely.

It only means learning how to separate fear from truth.

Maybe he truly loves you. Maybe your mind is tired from imagining endings before they happen. Maybe your heart is asking for gentleness, not judgment.

Please remember: trust is built slowly. Reassurance is not a crime. And asking yourself difficult questions does not make your love fake.

You do not have to become the “perfect understanding woman” to deserve love that feels safe.

A healthy relationship should allow space for honesty, softness, questions, and healing — for both people.

So be kinder to yourself.

You are learning how to love someone without abandoning yourself in the process. And that is not childish at all.

Love,

yourself♡

takecare of me like a flower, real flower

You ask yourself

if love is supposed to feel this heavy,

or if fear simply grew beside it.

You wonder

whether your hands are holding a future

or only gathering the broken pieces

someone else left behind.

And still..

you stay gentle.

Still,

you learn his sadness,

memorize his silence,

love him in places

someone once abandoned.

But darling,

do not forget this:

you were never born

to become a replacement

for another woman’s mistakes.

You are not a bandage.

Not a distraction.

Not a temporary warmth

for winter loneliness.

You are a person

with a heart soft enough to love

and brave enough to question it.

And maybe that is what a good woman truly is

someone who loves deeply

without disappearing inside it.

Dear me,

I know you are scared.

Scared that one day he might wake up missing the life he once had. Scared that you are loving someone who is still carrying ghosts from his past. Scared that your love might not be enough to make someone stay.

But listen carefully:

Love is not proven by how much pain you can survive for another person.

You do not have to become smaller, quieter, or endlessly understanding just to deserve certainty. A healthy love should not leave you constantly questioning whether you are temporary.

Maybe he truly loves you. Maybe he is trying his best after being hurt. But your feelings matter too. Your fears deserve kindness, not silence.

Do not punish yourself for overthinking when your heart is simply trying to protect itself. And if one day this love hurts you, it will not mean you were foolish for loving sincerely. Loving genuinely is never embarrassing. It is one of the bravest things a person can do.

Please remember: you are not hard to love. You are not “just another girl.” And you should never have to compete with memories from someone else’s past.

The right love will not make you beg for reassurance every night. Until then, keep choosing yourself too.

With softness,

you♡

letter for myself during silent battles

Dear Me,

I know you are tired.

Not the kind of tired sleep can fix, but the kind that sits heavily inside your chest every single day. The kind that comes from trying so hard and still feeling unseen.

You worked hard for your future. You studied, sacrificed, stayed hopeful, attended interviews, prepared answers, dressed professionally, smiled politely, and waited for calls that never came. Even rejection would have felt kinder than silence.

I know you are starting to question yourself.

You wonder if your efforts were meaningless. You compare your life to others and ask why things seem easier for them. You feel embarrassed for struggling when everyone else looks like they are moving forward.

But your worth was never meant to be measured by job offers.

Right now, life feels delayed, not destroyed. A delayed dream still remains a dream. Your degree was not a waste. Your experiences are not useless. The world is difficult nowadays, and many people are silently fighting the same battle you are.

Please do not hate yourself for being exhausted.

You are carrying pressure, fear, financial burdens, uncertainty, and disappointment all at once. Yet somehow, you still continue trying. That alone says something beautiful about you.

You deserve rest without guilt.

You deserve food even on difficult days.

You deserve kindness from yourself too.

One opportunity can change everything. One company. One phone call. One person seeing your value properly.

Until then, please stay with yourself gently.

You are not behind in life.

You are not useless.

You are someone trying very hard in a very difficult season.

And I am proud of you for surviving it.

Love,

Yourself

poems for my future self

The hardest part was never the interviews,

not the nervous hands,

not the practiced smiles,

not even the waiting.

It was waking up every morning

trying to convince myself

that I still mattered

after another silence.

I gave years to dreams,

late nights, assignments, sacrifices,

thinking one day

life would finally open its doors for me.

But now I sit here

counting unpaid bills,

counting rejected hopes,

counting how many times

I said “I’m okay”

when I wasn’t.

Sometimes I wonder

if I chose the wrong path,

if my degree became nothing more

than paper folded with disappointment.

And it hurts

watching people younger than me

already living the life

I begged God for quietly.

Still, somehow,

I continue searching.

Even tired.

Even heartbroken.

Even doubting myself.

Because a small part of me

still believes

my story cannot end

in this much sadness.

Maybe I am not failing.

Maybe I am simply standing

in the middle of a difficult chapter

that refuses to end quickly.

And maybe one day

I will look back at this version of me

the sleepless, overwhelmed, hurting me

and realize

she was stronger

than she ever knew.

is this a blessings or punishment?

I thought giving us another chance

was a blessing from above.

I didn’t know

it would come with sleepless nights,

unanswered feelings,

and tears I hide behind silence.

You are still in my heart,

but I no longer know

if I still exist in yours

the same way.

Because love should not feel this lonely.

And being loved

should not feel like begging

to matter.

is it costly a little?

i gave this love another chance

thinking maybe love meant patience,

maybe silence was just a phase,

maybe lonely hearts survive this way.

But no one told me

second chances can cost pieces of yourself.

No one told me

you could stay loyal

while still feeling abandoned.

I am still here,

still loving you softly,

still waiting in quiet rooms

filled with your absence.

And somehow,

the saddest part is not the distance

it is feeling invisible

to someone who once made me feel chosen.

dayss without you

Not hearing from you for days

feels like standing outside in the rain

waiting for a door that never opens.

I try to act strong,

to keep myself busy,

to pretend the silence does not hurt

but every night ends the same:

with me missing you more than before.

I wonder if love fades quietly,

or if it stays hidden

inside the spaces between our distance.

Do you still think of me

before you sleep?

Do you still reach for your phone

wanting to tell me about your day?

Do you still love me

with the same warmth

you once held me with?

Because I do.

Even now.

Even through the silence.

Even through the ache of missing you.

Lonely nights

Lonely nights have a different kind of silence

when your voice no longer reaches me.

The hours move slowly,

dragging your name across my mind

like a song I cannot stop replaying.

I miss you in the smallest moments

when my phone lights up and it is not you,

when the night gets too quiet,

when I have too much love left in me

with nowhere to place it.

I wonder if I still cross your mind

the way you cross mine at 2AM.

Do you still remember us softly?

Do you still smile at old memories,

or am I the only one holding them this tightly?

And sometimes I ask myself

if you still love me

the same way you did

on the first day we met

when everything about me

made your eyes stay a little longer.

Because I still carry that version of us.

Still carry your laughter in my chest.

Still carry hope,

even on nights that feel unbearably empty without you.

we took turns being the shelter

That night,

the rain spoke softly against the dark,

and the streets shimmered like they were holding secrets.

You were somewhere out there,

on a slow bus ride home,

no umbrella,

just the sound of rain keeping you company.

And I..

I couldn’t sit still knowing that.

So I went,

through the drizzle and dim streetlights,

not because you asked,

but because you didn’t have to.

You looked at me like I was unexpected warmth,

like kindness you didn’t prepare for.

But to me,

it was simple

of course I’d come.

Years passed, quietly,

like pages turning without noise.

Then one day,

the sky broke open again

and this time it was me

standing alone at a station,

watching the rain fall heavier than I remembered.

And there you were.

Umbrella in hand,

like a familiar answer

to a question I didn’t say out loud.

You didn’t have to come.

But you did.

And in that moment,

I realized—

we’ve been taking turns

being the shelter for each other.

Not just from rain,

but from all the quiet storms

we never speak of.

-friendships for almost 9-10years

only youuu

I miss you in the quiet parts of my day,

where nothing is happening

but I still think of you anyway.

I see you out with your friends,

and I try to be understanding, I really do.

I don’t want to hold you back from your world

I just quietly miss being part of it too.

Even when we’re not talking much,

my heart still chooses you

in the most natural way.

dot dot dot..

i wish you comeback to me in small ways.

You don’t have to come back all at once,

just a little at a time is enough.

A message, a thought, a reminder

that I’m still your person even in your busy days.

I miss you,

not loudly, not angrily

just in a soft way

that sits quietly in my chest

until you show up again.

Dear Letter to self.

I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately, about the version of us that once felt so effortless, so alive.

I miss those nights. The quiet midnights where the world slowed down, and it was just you and me on a call. I miss reading you poems, my voice soft and unsure, and you listening like every word mattered.

I miss how, without hesitation, you would grab your keys, drive for hours just to see me.. no second thoughts, no excuses.

We didn’t need anything grand. No fancy places, no perfect outfits. Just you showing up. Just us sitting in a car, eating late-night drive-thru food, talking about love like it was the only thing that existed. Back then, I never had to question where I stood with you. I never had to wonder if I was included in your day, in your thoughts, in your life.. I just knew...

And now… I don’t know anymore.

Now it feels like you can go through an entire day without me being part of it, while I’m here holding onto memories that still feel real to me. I find myself asking questions I never used to ask..

am I safe with you?

am I loved the right way?

or am I just holding onto something that no longer feels the same for you?

I’m not asking for grand gestures.

I’m not asking for perfection.

I’m just asking for presence... For effort. For the kind of love that doesn’t make me feel alone while I’m still in it.

Because I’m still here.. not out of habit, not out of pity, but because I chose you then… and I’m still choosing you now.

I just need to know if you’re choosing me too.

takecare amy yin...

old memories were meaningful

I miss the nights

that didn’t ask for anything grand

just your voice

finding mine

in the quiet of midnight.

I miss how love

used to feel urgent to you

how a poem

was enough reason

to turn the engine on

and drive through darkness

just to reach me.

No plans,

no perfect timing,

no “maybe tomorrow.”

Just you

showing up

like I mattered.

We were simple then

a parked car,

soft laughter,

greasy fingers from fast food,

and hearts so full

we thought

we had all the time in the world.

You used to look at me

like I was home.

Now,

I sit in the same silence

but it feels different

heavier,

colder.

You move through your days

without touching mine,

while I stay

somewhere between memory

and hope.

And I wonder

when did love

stop reaching for me?

When did I become

someone you could go a whole day without?

I don’t need the long drives anymore,

I don’t need the midnight rush

I just need to feel

that I still exist

in your world

the way you still exist

in mine.

Because I’m still here,

holding onto us

like it hasn’t already slipped away.

And maybe that’s what scares me most

not that we changed,

but that I’m the only one

who still feels it.

a Quiet truth...

I’ve taken some time to sit with my thoughts before writing this, because I want to express myself clearly and with respect, for both of us.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern where I’m usually the one reaching out first. I don’t say that to keep score, but over time it’s made me feel a bit uncertain about where I stand.

I don’t need constant attention or big gestures. What matters to me are the small, consistent things.. like being thought of, being checked in on, or simply feeling present in your day. Those moments help me feel connected and secure.

I’ve also held back from saying this earlier because I didn’t want it to come across as pressure or create unnecessary tension. But staying quiet hasn’t made the feeling go away.. it’s just made it heavier.

I’m not here to question your intentions or to assume the worst. I just want to understand where we are, honestly and calmly. If things are still settling after everything we’ve been through, I can respect that. At the same time, I think it’s fair for me to want clarity and consistency.

I value what we have, and I’m still here because I care. But I also believe a relationship should feel mutual — not one-sided or uncertain.

So I’m sharing this not to argue, but to be real with you. I hope we can meet each other halfway, with understanding and effort from both sides...

this honesty is...

I’ve been thinking a lot, and I want to say this calmly, not to argue — but to be understood.

Lately, I feel like I’m always the one reaching out first. I’m always the one trying to close the distance between us, and sometimes it makes me wonder… if I stopped, would you come to me the same way?

I don’t want to assume things, but my mind keeps asking questions I don’t know how to answer on my own. Are you here because you truly want me, or just because it’s easier to stay? Do you still love me the same way, or has something changed since we got back together?

I’m not asking for big gestures. I’m just hoping for the small things that used to come naturally from you.. like a simple good morning baby girl, a good night my love, or even random moments where you remind me I matter to you (trust me when i said this : i don't remember when was the lastime i received those randoms sweet words from you. means its been stop or sngt jarang dah).. Those things mean more to me than you might realize.

Some days I feel important to you. But other days, I feel like I only exist when it’s convenient, and that feeling honestly hurts more than I can explain. I also want you to understand that when I stay quiet, it’s not because I don’t feel anything. It’s because I’m scared that expressing myself will turn into an argument, or that you’ll see me as “too much."

But keeping it in is starting to feel just as heavy. I’m not trying to blame you. I just want clarity and reassurance. I want to feel chosen, not uncertain. I want to know what I truly mean to you.. not just in certain moments, but consistently.

If there’s still something we’re both healing from, I understand that it takes time. But I think I need to know if we’re moving forward together, or if I’m the only one trying to hold on the same way. I care about you deeply. That’s why this matters so much to me.

I’m not asking for perfection, just honesty, effort, and to feel like I’m truly part of your life....

your pufferfish, or your wifey or your baby girl.. or.. more to. your ghost girl :')

our love change shape??

You used to say my name

like it meant something sacred.

now it feels like

I have to remind you

I’m still here.

I’m not asking

for grand gestures

just the small things

you used to give freely

before love became

something quieter

on your side.

dot....

I don’t need poetry

in every message

just a

good morning,

just a

good night,

just a

random moment

where I cross your mind

without asking to.

but most days,

I wake up

before your thoughts

find me :'(

dot...

Some days

I feel like I matter

like I still live

somewhere soft

in your heart.

and some days

I feel like a pause

in your routine,

something you return to

only when it’s convenient.

I don’t know

which one is real....

what am i to you actually....

Tell me honestly

am I your person,

or just a presence?

something you love,

or something you’re used to?

because I’ve given you

all of me

in ways that don’t show

and I don’t know

if that means anything

to you at all..

questions i can't ask you

Do you stay

because you love me

or because leaving

would feel heavier?

am I chosen,

or just…

not let go?

I keep holding these questions

like fragile glass,

afraid if I hand them to you

they’ll shatter

into something we can’t fix...

maybe its me (but maybe its not)

Maybe I expect too much

or maybe

I just remember

what it felt like

to be loved

without questioning it.

and now that it’s different,

I’m left wondering

did you change,

did we break,

or am I the only one

still trying

to love the same way???

my free time

It’s strange

how a whole day

can feel empty

not because

nothing happened,

but because

you weren’t in it.

and I keep checking

not for messages,

but for proof

that I still cross your mind

the way you cross mine.

-maybe it was never did, because since when you do this to me before? sleeping whole day without awake from dreams. are you prefer living in sweet dreams than in reality?? am i just an unhappy reality for you? 

and i almost say it.. whatt??

I almost told you today

how the quiet

wraps too tightly

around my chest,

how I reach for you

in moments

you don’t even know exist.

but I stopped,

right at the edge of honesty,

because I don’t want

to sound like a problem

you have to solve.

why i keep on wanting to reach out you first nowdays since we're get back together? 

I don’t ask for much

at least, I try not to.

I don’t say

“stay,”

or “talk to me longer,”

or “don’t disappear.”

I just hope

you’ll choose to.

and sometimes

that hope

feels heavier

than asking ever would...

when you awake, come find me

you are still

my favorite notification

even when silence stretches

between us like a quiet road

I don’t know how to cross.

you are still

my favorite person

the only place

my tired heart recognizes

as home.

I know you’re exhausted,

I see it in the way

you disappear into sleep,

like the world has taken too much

from you in one day.

and I don’t blame you.

but in the quiet you leave behind,

I find myself reaching

for something that used to be

so easy—

us.

I miss the way we filled

each other’s spaces,

how your presence

felt like warmth

instead of distance.

now it’s not that you’ve changed—

it’s just that

I feel you less,

and I don’t know

where to place this loneliness.

maybe it’s not sadness,

not even hurt

just a soft ache

of missing you

while you’re still mine.

so rest, love,

rest as much as you need

but when you wake,

come back to me

even just a little.

because I’m still here,

holding onto us,

loving you

in all the quiet ways

you cannot see.

my only best friend-AA

You’re not in competition

with anyone in my life

because you stand

in a place

no one else can reach.

Even if a thousand faces pass me by,

my eyes will still find you.

And if you ever question my loyalty,

remember

there’s a reason I’m here,

a reason it’s you

I chose to stay with, Aiman Afif♡

don't leave me in Silence

If we fight again someday,

and words get heavy between us

don’t disappear.

You don’t have to understand me

right away,

you don’t have to fix everything

just don’t leave me

in that quiet

that feels like losing you.

Stay, even if it’s messy.

Stay, even if we’re both unsure.

Because what hurts the most

is not the argument—

it’s feeling like

I’m facing it alone.

........

I’m not asking you

to always get it right.

I’m not asking you

to always understand me.

I’m only asking this

when things break a little between us,

don’t leave me

to hold all the pieces alone.

Be there,

even if your hands don’t know

what to do yet.

Because your presence

means more to me

than perfect words ever could.

short letter to myself

hey baby girl,

I know you’re trying to act like everything is fine — but it’s not fully fine, and that’s okay.

You were hurt. Being ignored, not having your calls answered, crying alone… that mattered. It doesn’t just disappear because the next day was better or because he said sorry when you asked. You needed comfort in that moment, not just a patch after.

You’re not “too sensitive” for still feeling off. You’re someone who needed reassurance, and didn’t fully get it.

And about the hiking, you didn’t say no because you don’t care. You said no because you don’t feel safe yet, not with him fully, and definitely not around people you’re not comfortable with. That’s not wrong. That’s you protecting yourself. Something has changed. You feel it. Don’t ignore that feeling just to keep the peace.

You don’t have to decide everything right now.

But you do owe yourself honesty:

You want to feel chosen.

You want to feel understood.

You want more than “okay” apologies.

And you deserve that.

Take your time.

You’re allowed to feel this way.

- Me -

Not ready for them

You said “hiking,”

and for a second

my heart ran ahead—

just us,

just quiet,

just something simple again.

Then you added “friends,”

and suddenly

I felt small,

like I had to perform

in a room

I don’t feel safe in.

You said “okay”

when I stepped back,

but it felt like

you didn’t really see

why I had to.

It’s not the hiking.

It’s not them.

It’s me

trying to find my footing again

in something

that still feels unsteady....

After the Quiet

You left me in a night

that had no answers,

only ringing calls

and a screen that stayed cold.

I cried into hours

that did not move,

waiting for a version of you

that would turn back

but didn’t.

Morning came

with your voice again,

like nothing had broken,

like silence

hadn’t carved something in me.

We went away,

shared air, shared time,

but something stayed behind

that girl from the night

still sitting on the floor,

still holding her phone.

And now I’m home,

and I don’t know

how to feel whole again

when a piece of me

was never picked up.

i also almost....

I smiled,

but it didn’t reach the place

you once knew how to find.

You held me,

but not the part

that stayed hurting.

You said sorry

soft, brief,

like closing a door

without checking

what was left outside.

And I said okay,

because I didn’t know

how to ask for more

without sounding like

too much.

So here I am—

almost okay,

almost happy,

almost like before.

But “almost”

is a lonely place to live.

nowhere feels like home

I don’t feel safe anywhere.

Not in the house I grew up in,

where silence stays longer

than comfort ever did.

Not with the people

who are supposed to be family,

but feel like strangers

I learned how to live around.

My mother isn’t there

when my heart needs her the most,

and my world split in half

when they chose separate lives.

My friends—

they have their own worlds,

their own lives,

and I can’t blame them

for not noticing mine falling apart.

I don’t even have something small,

like a warm presence beside me,

to remind me I’m not alone.

So I held onto you.

Not because I’m weak

but because you felt

like the only place

I could finally rest.

And now…

even you feel distant.

And I don’t know

where I’m supposed to go

when the one place

I called “safe”

doesn’t feel like home anymore.

strong everywhere but here

I can stand my ground

in a room full of strangers.

Handle voices,

pressure,

attitudes— ..

like it’s nothing.

I’ve learned how to fight,

how to defend,

how to never back down.

But when it comes to you

I forget everything I know.

My strength disappears

in the one place

I thought I’d feel safe.

And suddenly,

the girl who can face anything

becomes someone

who doesn’t know

how to protect her own heart.

dot...

At work,

I wear armor.

In life,

I stand tall.

In battle,

I know exactly what to do.

But with you—

I came unarmed.

No walls.

No guard.

No protection.

And maybe that’s why it hurts so much,

because the strongest version of me

chose to be soft

only for you.

uneven Love

Why do I love you too much

and you don’t feel the same?

I gave you my whole heart

like it was safe in your hands,

but you held it

like it was optional.

I thought love grew equally

in both directions—..

but mine expanded

while yours stayed still.

And now I’m left

overflowing

into someone

who isn’t filling me back.

err.

I knew I was giving more.

I felt it every time

I waited longer,

cared deeper,

hurt quieter.

But still ilovedyou

because my heart

didn’t know how to love halfway.

And maybe that’s where I lost myself

not in loving you,

but in not being loved

the same way back.

the kind of hurt that lingers

I think what breaks me the most

is knowing

everything was fine

until I spoke.

Until I trusted you

with the parts of me

I usually hide.

If I had just stayed quiet,

kept it all inside,

maybe you’d still be here....

still talking to me

like I mattered.

So now I sit with this thought:

maybe my honesty

is what ruined us :'(

dear.... my love..

Do you know how hard it is

to open your heart

and then wish you never did?

To replay every word,

every sentence,

wondering

which one made you stop caring?

You didn’t just misunderstand me

you made me feel like

my feelings were a mistake.

And now I’m left

holding everything

I should’ve kept to myself.

my love..

I was okay

when I was easy,

when I smiled,

when I didn’t need anything.

But the moment

I became real

with fears,

with feelings,

with questions

I became too much.

Too heavy.

Too tiring.

Too inconvenient

for someone

who once said

they loved me....

...

The saddest part is—

I would’ve stayed.

Through the misunderstandings,

through the timing,

through the silence…

I would’ve stayed

if you just tried.

If you just said,

“Hey, I don’t get it,

but I’m here.”

But you didn’t.

You chose distance

over understanding,

silence over effort,

and now I’m here

learning how to leave

someone

I never wanted to lose.. iloveyou too much aiman.

the kingdom of Loyalty

I wasn’t questioning your loyalty,

I was questioning my place.

Not you...

but whether I was still

safe in your heart.

Somewhere between my words

and your understanding,

everything got lost.

And now I’m here

trying to explain something

that was never meant

to hurt you.

and again dear letter, and hii my love.

When you said I was questioning your loyalty, that honestly caught me off guard because that was never what I meant. It never even crossed my mind to doubt you like that. I wasn’t accusing you of anything—I was just trying to express how I feel and be honest about my insecurities.

I think somewhere along the way, what I was trying to say got misunderstood, and I’m not sure how to explain it better without it sounding wrong to you.

But I need you to understand this clearly, I wasn’t attacking you or your loyalty. I was just opening up, and I hoped you would try to understand me instead of assuming the worst.

I wasn’t accusing you,

I was unraveling myself

in front of you.

Every word I said

came from a place

that needed comfort,

not defense.

But you stood there

like I was pointing fingers,

when all I ever did

was open my hands.

And somehow,

my honesty became

something you had to fight...

ehem. dot dot..

Somewhere between

what I felt

and what you heard,

we broke.

I said, “I’m hurting,”

you heard, “You did something wrong.”

I said, “I need reassurance,”

you heard, “I don’t trust you.”

And no matter how I tried

to explain it again,

your mind was already made. (its getting painful enough, thats why i make calls on you. but you ignore me that easily)

I’m tired

of explaining feelings

that were never meant

to hurt you.

Tired of reshaping my words

so you won’t misunderstand them,

only to still end up

being wrong in your eyes.

At some point,

it stops being miscommunication

and starts feeling like

you just don’t want to understand.

hard to swallow the pill

dear letter,

I keep thinking about everything, and honestly, it hurts more than I expected. At one point, you made me feel loved and chosen. And now, the silence, the way you avoid answering me, and how easily you pushed me away—it’s confusing and painful.

Sometimes I even feel like if loving me was a lie, I’d rather believe that version right now, because at least it felt real and it didn’t hurt like this. But I know I can’t stay in something unclear. I deserve honesty, effort, and to feel like I matter too.

If you don’t want this anymore, just be real with me. I’d rather be hurt by the truth than kept in this silence. and ohh btw, imissyouu.

ermm..

If loving me was a lie,

then maybe

I would rather stay in it a little longer.

Because the lie

was gentle—

it held me,

it felt like home.

And the truth?

The truth is sharp.

It sounds like silence,

like cancelled plans,

like unanswered questions

that echo louder than words.

If it was all pretend,

then at least in that moment,

I was chosen.

And right now

that memory of a lie

hurts less

than the reality

of being unsure

if I ever was...

so. ermm..

If loving me was a lie,

then maybe I prefer the lie.

Because at least in that version,

you chose me—..

without hesitation,

without silence,

without making me feel

like I was too much.

The truth you’re giving me now

hurts more

than any lie ever could :'(

my letter were never mean to u.

I kept thinking

maybe if I said it softer,

you would finally hear me.

Maybe if I waited longer,

chose a better time,

needed a little less—

you would stay.

But love shouldn’t feel

like waiting for permission

to be felt.

I was there,

trying,

speaking,

holding on—

and you were there,

turning away

like my heart

was an inconvenience.

So this is me,

finally understanding:::

It wasn’t the timing.

It wasn’t the way I said it.

It was that

you didn’t want to listen.

And I deserve someone

who does.

-even that someone, im really hoping and wishing it was you. bcoz im still inlove with you. i already attached with you..

so.. dear letter. forgive me for writing this sadness story at time like this where this time supposed to be my bed time now. but i just can't.. im too much hurted now. and my pillow is full pool of water of tears that i cant even stay calm anymore.. i just almost lost faith in human especially guys. doesn't matter family, partners, friends, or even male -cats... keep hurting me like i was the worst in their lifetime ever...

"I didn’t bring things up to start a problem. I spoke because I care about us and I wanted to be honest about how I feel.

But the way you responded really hurt me. Saying you were too busy, cancelling our plans, not answering my calls, and then telling me you’re “lazy to talk” after I opened up—it made me feel like I don’t matter to you.

When I asked if you still want this relationship, I wasn’t trying to question you. I just needed clarity and reassurance. Turning it back on me instead of answering made it even more confusing and painful.

I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect effort, respect, and communication. Right now, I’m not feeling that from you.

So I’m going to step back because you wanted me to, If you truly want this, it shouldn’t feel this hard to show it...right.

my heartbeat stop beating. almost.

You said I chose the wrong time,

but when is the right time

to say, “I’m hurting”?

Between your games?

Between your silence?

Between the moments

you don’t choose me?

I waited, you know.

I always wait.

But even when I spoke softly,

you still heard it as noise—

like my feelings were interruptions

instead of something that mattered..

dot dot..

You were busy,

and maybe that’s true—

but it hurt more

that I was easy to ignore.

A game could pause,

a call could be answered,

a plan could be kept…

but somehow,

I was the one

that got cancelled.

And I sat there wondering

how someone I love

can make me feel

so optional :'(

dot. dot..

You said you were too lazy

to talk to me—

after I gave you

all the honesty I had.

Do you know how heavy that feels?

To open your heart

and be met with…

nothing.

Not anger.

Not comfort.

Just absence.

Like I wasn’t even worth

the effort of a reply...

dot dot..

I asked you one simple thing:

“Do you still want us?”

And you turned it back on me,

like my heart

was a question I should answer alone.

But love isn’t supposed to feel

like guessing,

like begging for clarity

from someone who already knows.

Your silence said enough

even if you never did.. huh.

dott..

Maybe I wasn’t too much.

Maybe I just gave my feelings

to someone

who didn’t know how to hold them.

Because the right person

wouldn’t call it “problems”

when I speak from pain.

They would listen—

even if the timing wasn’t perfect,

even if the words were messy.

They wouldn’t make me feel

like loving them

was a burden.

star is not shining

You said I create problems,

but all I did was speak

what was already hurting inside me.

If silence is what you wanted,

then maybe you never wanted me—

just a quieter version

of someone who doesn’t feel too much.

I was trying to move forward,

but I needed your hand to hold,

not your words pushing me back

to where I was trying to escape.

And now you’re done with me,

as if loving you carefully

was something wrong.

dot dot..

I came to you with honesty,

not accusations—

but you heard noise instead of pain.

You told me I live in the past,

but you never asked

what the past did to me.

I wasn’t trying to fight you,

I was trying to trust you—

and maybe that’s what scared you.

Because loving me means

seeing the parts of me

that are still healing.

And instead of staying,

you chose to leave

like I was the problem

you didn’t want to solve.

dot dot dot..

I wasn’t trying to start a storm,

I was just asking if I was still safe

in your arms.

The past still echoes sometimes,

not because I live there—

but because I’m scared

it might repeat itself here.

I didn’t need you to fix it,

just to understand

why my voice trembles

when I say, “Do you still choose me?”

But you saw it as problems,

like I was breaking something

when all I wanted..

was to protect us from breaking.

ehem...

I spoke because I cared,

not because I wanted to fight.

But you called it a problem

and walked out of my life.

Maybe I am still healing—

but I was trying with you.

It hurts that my honesty

was the reason I lost you.. 

</3

jujur x honesty

no regrets on what i did out of Love. i just won't do it again.

well, maybe because i don't want the *truth.

maybe i just want the version that hurt less :')