friend's experience and mine

I understand why you see your friends' relationships that way. I understand that after facing a hard world, you want your relationship to be a place where you feel safe, calm, and at peace. I don't disagree with wanting that.

But I also believe that peace doesn't always mean never having arguments. Sometimes two people can love each other deeply and still have misunderstandings, different feelings, or moments where they hurt each other. What matters to me is what we do after that, whether we try to understand each other, take responsibility, and choose to become better together.

I have seen couples who went through difficult moments, said things they regretted, and still stayed because at the end of the day they still cared about each other and didn't want to lose what they built.

I don't want us to keep hurting each other or living in constant stress. I want peace with you too. But my hope is that we don't measure our relationship only by how many arguments we have. I hope we also look at how much we care, how we try, and whether we are both willing to choose each other when things are not easy...

the Answer i was hoping to hear.

I asked you, again and again,

“What do you want now?”

Not because I wanted you

to carry everything for me.

Not because I couldn’t choose.

But because my heart was searching

for a sign that you were still here.

I was hoping you would say,

“I still want us.”

“I’m tired, but I don’t want to lose you.”

“Let’s figure this out together.”

But instead, you asked me,

“Decide for yourself.”

And I became quiet.

Because how do I decide

when my heart is still waiting

to know if it is being chosen?

How do I know whether to hold on

or let go,

when the person I love

is standing beside me

but I cannot feel where they stand?

I know I have my flaws.

I know my emotions can become heavy.

I know sometimes my words come out wrong

when my heart is only asking to be understood.

I never wanted arguments.

I never wanted to destroy the peace

you were searching for.

I was only trying to say,

“Please don’t give up on me so quickly.”

“Please don’t see my worst moments

as the only version of me.”

Because behind my anger

is a heart that cares.

Behind my tears

is someone afraid of losing you.

But now I am faced with a question

I never wanted to answer alone…

Do I keep fighting for us

when I don’t know if you are still fighting too?

Do I stay because I love you,

or do I leave because I am tired

of wondering if I am still wanted?

Maybe the hardest part is not choosing.

Maybe the hardest part is realizing

that I wanted you to choose me too...

am I being too much to Love??

Am I allowed to be this real?

With all my emotions spilling over,

with my words coming out messy,

with my heart trying to explain

what my mouth does not know how to say.

I never wanted a fight.

I never woke up wishing for an argument.

I never planned to become a storm

inside the home I wanted to feel safe in.

I was only trying to say,

“Please understand me.”

“Please hear what I cannot say calmly.”

“Please remind me that we are still choosing each other.”

But somehow my pain became a problem.

My feelings became a burden.

My attempts to be honest

became something you wanted to escape from.

You said you wanted peace.

But I wonder…

Was peace supposed to mean

a home without arguments,

or a home where two people

still choose to stay through them?

Because when you said

you were tired,

you wanted to give up,

you were done facing this again…

Those words did not feel like peace.

They felt like a door closing

while I was still standing outside,

wondering if I was still your wife,

or just someone you were slowly letting go of.

I asked you,

“Do you still want me?

Do you still want to be my husband?”

But instead of an answer,

you gave me a question.

“Ask yourself.”

And now I am lost…

Because I know my flaws.

I know I can be emotional.

I know sometimes my heart speaks louder

than my patience.

But I never wanted a perfect person.

I only wanted my person

to hold my hand and say,

“We will learn this together.”

So tell me…

Am I too much to understand?

Am I too difficult to choose?

Or am I just a person

still learning how to love

without hurting the one I love?

Because even my worst sides

are still parts of me.

And I only wanted to know…

After seeing all of me,

the beautiful and the broken,

do you still see

a future with me???

The Answer I Never Say

“How are you?” they ask,

and I smile like it is an easy question.

“I’m good.”

“I’m fine.”

“I’m okay.”

Three small words

that carry the weight

of everything I cannot explain.

Because the truth is…

I am tired.

I am heartbroken.

I have a thousand things inside my chest

that are begging to be heard.

I want to say,

“Please stay for a while.

I don’t need you to fix me,

I just need someone to listen.”

But then I remember

everyone has their own storms.

Everyone is fighting battles

they don’t talk about.

So I swallow my pain,

fold it neatly,

and put it away

like it does not need a place to exist.

I wonder…

Is it selfish to ask for comfort

when someone else is hurting too?

Is it wrong to need a hand

when other hands are already tired?

Maybe I forgot

that hearts were never meant

to carry everything alone.

Maybe asking,

“Can you sit with me for a moment?”

is not a burden.

Maybe saying,

“I’m not okay today,”

is not weakness.

Maybe I don’t need

to explain every broken piece

before someone is allowed

to care.

So if you ask me again,

“How’s life going?”

Maybe one day

I will stop saying “I’m fine.”

Maybe I will say,

“I’m struggling,

but I’m still here.

And if you have the space,

I would like someone to talk to.”

how many Carrats i am? fourteen june

"How Many Carats Am I?"

I know I am not the easiest stone to hold,

I have edges that cut,

corners that are not perfectly shaped,

and cracks I try to hide from the world.

I feel too much,

I speak too fast when my heart is heavy,

my anger sometimes arrives before my understanding,

and my words become storms

when all I wanted was to be heard.

I know loving me is not always a gentle journey.

Sometimes I become the fire

that burns the hands trying to protect me.

Sometimes my fears become walls

between the person I love and me.

But I am learning that a diamond

is not valuable because it has no flaws.

It is precious because it survives pressure,

because it is shaped through the hardest moments.

So I wonder…

If I am a diamond in your eyes,

after seeing my darkest sides,

after witnessing my emotions,

my mistakes, my battles with myself…

How many carats would I be worth to you?

Would you see only the scratches on my surface,

or the strength it took for me to remain shining?

Would you hold me like something rare,

or leave me like something too difficult to polish?

I do not ask to be loved as a perfect gem.

I only hope that when you see my imperfections,

you still remember the beauty

of the diamond you chose to keep....

maybe should not trust on Love

if my existence makes your life miserable,

then i will dissappear,

to make you peace again once you had before.

those nights were bad..maybe.

I remembered the nights

where my voice turned into storms,

calling your name

like it could pull you back to me.

The walls heard everything

the shaking in my chest,

the prayers that broke apart

before they even reached the sky.

I blamed myself

for every silence,

every wound,

every goodbye that lived between us.

I wondered if love alone

was not enough to make someone stay.

There were days

I could not leave my bed,

where the ceiling became the only witness

to how hard a heart can grieve.

No water touched my lips.

No food could stay.

Only tearss

endless tears

until exhaustion forced my eyes shut.

And when morning came,

the pain woke up before I did.

I screamed quietly after that,

the kind of scream

that never leaves the mouth,

only echoes inside the ribs.

I prayed to God

with trembling hands,

asking Him

why losing someone

could feel like losing myself too.

But somewhere between those nights,

between the broken prayers

and the aching loneliness,

I survived another sunrise.

Not because I was strong,

but because hearts, somehow,

keep beating

even after they shatter.

And maybe one day

I will remember those nights

without drowning in them.

Maybe one day

my name will stop sounding guilty

inside my own head.

Maybe one day

the girl who cried herself to sleep

will finally rest

without blaming herself

for being human.

the voices echoes..

Healthy relationships are not about never arguing. They are about whether both people can return to respect after emotions settle.

And it is okay if the raised voice still hurt you. Being understanding does not mean pretending it did not affect your heart.

Sometimes anger comes out badly when someone feels unheard, hurt, stressed, or emotionally flooded. That explains behavior, but it should not become an excuse to repeat harmful patterns.