is this a blessings or punishment?

I thought giving us another chance
was a blessing from above.
I didn’t know
it would come with sleepless nights,
unanswered feelings,
and tears I hide behind silence.

You are still in my heart,
but I no longer know
if I still exist in yours
the same way.

Because love should not feel this lonely.
And being loved
should not feel like begging
to matter.