is it wrong to expecting some good things??

Sometimes when I said

“maybe we should end this,”

what I truly meant was

“please fight for us.”

Please hold my breaking heart

before it convinces itself

that leaving is easier

than feeling unwanted.

I did not say it

because I stopped loving you.

I said it after carrying

too many quiet hurts

for too long.

I thought maybe,

just maybe,

you would stop me.

Tell me not to go.

Remind me that love

was still here beneath the damage.

But you agreed so quickly

that it felt like...

you had been standing at the exit

long before I opened the door.

And now somehow

the story paints me

as the reason everything collapsed.

As if my breaking point

appeared out of nowhere.

As if exhausted hearts

simply wake up one day

and choose goodbye.

You point at my final reaction

without remembering

all the moments

that slowly pushed me there.

And maybe that is

the cruelest part...

not losing you,

but realizing

how easily my pain

became evidence against me

instead of proof

that I was hurting too.

open the door : transparency.

Some people think love survives

through grand gestures,

through staying,

through never raising their voice.

But sometimes love survives

through honesty.

Through the trembling sentence of

“this hurt me.”

Through the courage of

“I don’t know how to explain this properly yet,

but I don’t want to hide it from you.”

Transparency is not perfection.

It is choosing not to let silence

grow mold in the corners of a relationship.

Because unspoken feelings

do not disappear.

They wait.

They collect.

They become storms

inside people who kept saying

“it’s okay”

when it wasn’t.

And maybe love was never meant

to be mind-reading.

Maybe it was always meant

to be two people

gently opening locked doors

for each other,

again and again,

even when their hands shake.

:: A relationship usually struggles more from unspoken resentment than from difficult but honest conversations...

am i a bad girl partner???

It does not mean you are a “bad” partner.

Usually, patience becomes shorter when 

emotions have been building up for a long time underneath. Especially when someone feels: unheard, uncertain, emotionally unsafe,

dismissed, orr constantly waiting for reassurance and clarity.

A lot of people think patience is just personality, but often it is connected to emotional exhaustion. If you keep trying to communicate calmly while feeling confused or hurt inside, eventually your reactions become stronger because your heart is already carrying too much.

And being a girl does not mean you must always be endlessly patient, soft, or emotionally composed. You are still human. You can love deeply and still reach your emotional limit.

im sorry couldn't love you the way you wanted all the time ....

we done because of what??

Sometimes the painful part is when someone says “everything is fine” over and over, but later brings out hidden frustrations during an argument. That can make you feel blindsided, confused, and exhausted because you were trying to work things out with honesty while carrying worries alone.

And when hurt keeps building without clear conversations, patience eventually breaks. Reaching your limit does not erase the care you gave.

my Love was never the problem.

Dear me,

My love was never something shameful.

I loved with softness. I asked questions because I cared, not because I wanted control. I searched for reassurance because I wanted safety, honesty, and closeness. not because I wanted perfection.

I need to stop punishing myself for wanting communication.

I tried. I checked in gently. I asked if there was anything wrong. I opened the door for conversations many times. If someone keeps saying “nothing is wrong” while carrying hidden hurt inside, I cannot blame myself for not reading silence correctly.

I am not difficult for wanting clarity. I am not disrespectful for wanting reassurance. I am not weak for needing to feel valued.

Yes, maybe my emotions became heavy at times. Maybe the hurt made my reactions stronger than I wanted. But pain does that when someone feels unheard for too long.

I need to remember this:

A relationship should not make me beg to feel important.

Love is not supposed to feel like constantly proving my intentions while my own feelings are questioned. Love should allow two people to speak honestly before resentment grows into weapons during arguments.

I know I am tired.

Tired of replaying every moment. Tired of wondering whether I asked for “too much.” Tired of carrying guilt for simply wanting emotional safety.

But my heart was sincere.

And even if this relationship breaks, it does not mean I failed at loving someone. It only means two people struggled to understand each other in the way they both needed.

I deserve conversations that happen before things explode.

I deserve reassurance that is given with care, not reluctance.

I deserve a love where softness is not treated like a burden.

For now, I will stop turning all the blame toward myself.

I loved genuinely.

And that matters.

..myself..

Feeling afraid does not cancel out genuine Love.

Dear me,

Please stop turning your fears into proof that you are difficult to love.

You ask too many questions inside your own head and then punish yourself for having them. You worry that needing reassurance means you are immature. You worry that overthinking means your love is not genuine enough.

But maybe your heart is simply trying to protect itself while loving honestly.

You are not wrong for wondering where you stand in someone’s life — especially when that person has loved and lost before you. You are not cruel for feeling nervous about becoming temporary. And you are not selfish for wanting to feel chosen, certain, and secure.

Loving someone with a past does not mean you must erase your own fears completely.

It only means learning how to separate fear from truth.

Maybe he truly loves you. Maybe your mind is tired from imagining endings before they happen. Maybe your heart is asking for gentleness, not judgment.

Please remember: trust is built slowly. Reassurance is not a crime. And asking yourself difficult questions does not make your love fake.

You do not have to become the “perfect understanding woman” to deserve love that feels safe.

A healthy relationship should allow space for honesty, softness, questions, and healing — for both people.

So be kinder to yourself.

You are learning how to love someone without abandoning yourself in the process. And that is not childish at all.

Love,

yourself♡

takecare of me like a flower, real flower

You ask yourself

if love is supposed to feel this heavy,

or if fear simply grew beside it.

You wonder

whether your hands are holding a future

or only gathering the broken pieces

someone else left behind.

And still..

you stay gentle.

Still,

you learn his sadness,

memorize his silence,

love him in places

someone once abandoned.

But darling,

do not forget this:

you were never born

to become a replacement

for another woman’s mistakes.

You are not a bandage.

Not a distraction.

Not a temporary warmth

for winter loneliness.

You are a person

with a heart soft enough to love

and brave enough to question it.

And maybe that is what a good woman truly is

someone who loves deeply

without disappearing inside it.

Dear me,

I know you are scared.

Scared that one day he might wake up missing the life he once had. Scared that you are loving someone who is still carrying ghosts from his past. Scared that your love might not be enough to make someone stay.

But listen carefully:

Love is not proven by how much pain you can survive for another person.

You do not have to become smaller, quieter, or endlessly understanding just to deserve certainty. A healthy love should not leave you constantly questioning whether you are temporary.

Maybe he truly loves you. Maybe he is trying his best after being hurt. But your feelings matter too. Your fears deserve kindness, not silence.

Do not punish yourself for overthinking when your heart is simply trying to protect itself. And if one day this love hurts you, it will not mean you were foolish for loving sincerely. Loving genuinely is never embarrassing. It is one of the bravest things a person can do.

Please remember: you are not hard to love. You are not “just another girl.” And you should never have to compete with memories from someone else’s past.

The right love will not make you beg for reassurance every night. Until then, keep choosing yourself too.

With softness,

you♡

letter for myself during silent battles

Dear Me,

I know you are tired.

Not the kind of tired sleep can fix, but the kind that sits heavily inside your chest every single day. The kind that comes from trying so hard and still feeling unseen.

You worked hard for your future. You studied, sacrificed, stayed hopeful, attended interviews, prepared answers, dressed professionally, smiled politely, and waited for calls that never came. Even rejection would have felt kinder than silence.

I know you are starting to question yourself.

You wonder if your efforts were meaningless. You compare your life to others and ask why things seem easier for them. You feel embarrassed for struggling when everyone else looks like they are moving forward.

But your worth was never meant to be measured by job offers.

Right now, life feels delayed, not destroyed. A delayed dream still remains a dream. Your degree was not a waste. Your experiences are not useless. The world is difficult nowadays, and many people are silently fighting the same battle you are.

Please do not hate yourself for being exhausted.

You are carrying pressure, fear, financial burdens, uncertainty, and disappointment all at once. Yet somehow, you still continue trying. That alone says something beautiful about you.

You deserve rest without guilt.

You deserve food even on difficult days.

You deserve kindness from yourself too.

One opportunity can change everything. One company. One phone call. One person seeing your value properly.

Until then, please stay with yourself gently.

You are not behind in life.

You are not useless.

You are someone trying very hard in a very difficult season.

And I am proud of you for surviving it.

Love,

Yourself

poems for my future self

The hardest part was never the interviews,

not the nervous hands,

not the practiced smiles,

not even the waiting.

It was waking up every morning

trying to convince myself

that I still mattered

after another silence.

I gave years to dreams,

late nights, assignments, sacrifices,

thinking one day

life would finally open its doors for me.

But now I sit here

counting unpaid bills,

counting rejected hopes,

counting how many times

I said “I’m okay”

when I wasn’t.

Sometimes I wonder

if I chose the wrong path,

if my degree became nothing more

than paper folded with disappointment.

And it hurts

watching people younger than me

already living the life

I begged God for quietly.

Still, somehow,

I continue searching.

Even tired.

Even heartbroken.

Even doubting myself.

Because a small part of me

still believes

my story cannot end

in this much sadness.

Maybe I am not failing.

Maybe I am simply standing

in the middle of a difficult chapter

that refuses to end quickly.

And maybe one day

I will look back at this version of me

the sleepless, overwhelmed, hurting me

and realize

she was stronger

than she ever knew.

is this a blessings or punishment?

I thought giving us another chance

was a blessing from above.

I didn’t know

it would come with sleepless nights,

unanswered feelings,

and tears I hide behind silence.

You are still in my heart,

but I no longer know

if I still exist in yours

the same way.

Because love should not feel this lonely.

And being loved

should not feel like begging

to matter.

is it costly a little?

i gave this love another chance

thinking maybe love meant patience,

maybe silence was just a phase,

maybe lonely hearts survive this way.

But no one told me

second chances can cost pieces of yourself.

No one told me

you could stay loyal

while still feeling abandoned.

I am still here,

still loving you softly,

still waiting in quiet rooms

filled with your absence.

And somehow,

the saddest part is not the distance

it is feeling invisible

to someone who once made me feel chosen.

dayss without you

Not hearing from you for days

feels like standing outside in the rain

waiting for a door that never opens.

I try to act strong,

to keep myself busy,

to pretend the silence does not hurt

but every night ends the same:

with me missing you more than before.

I wonder if love fades quietly,

or if it stays hidden

inside the spaces between our distance.

Do you still think of me

before you sleep?

Do you still reach for your phone

wanting to tell me about your day?

Do you still love me

with the same warmth

you once held me with?

Because I do.

Even now.

Even through the silence.

Even through the ache of missing you.

Lonely nights

Lonely nights have a different kind of silence

when your voice no longer reaches me.

The hours move slowly,

dragging your name across my mind

like a song I cannot stop replaying.

I miss you in the smallest moments

when my phone lights up and it is not you,

when the night gets too quiet,

when I have too much love left in me

with nowhere to place it.

I wonder if I still cross your mind

the way you cross mine at 2AM.

Do you still remember us softly?

Do you still smile at old memories,

or am I the only one holding them this tightly?

And sometimes I ask myself

if you still love me

the same way you did

on the first day we met

when everything about me

made your eyes stay a little longer.

Because I still carry that version of us.

Still carry your laughter in my chest.

Still carry hope,

even on nights that feel unbearably empty without you.