Am I allowed to be this real?
With all my emotions spilling over,
with my words coming out messy,
with my heart trying to explain
what my mouth does not know how to say.
I never wanted a fight.
I never woke up wishing for an argument.
I never planned to become a storm
inside the home I wanted to feel safe in.
I was only trying to say,
“Please understand me.”
“Please hear what I cannot say calmly.”
“Please remind me that we are still choosing each other.”
But somehow my pain became a problem.
My feelings became a burden.
My attempts to be honest
became something you wanted to escape from.
You said you wanted peace.
But I wonder…
Was peace supposed to mean
a home without arguments,
or a home where two people
still choose to stay through them?
Because when you said
you were tired,
you wanted to give up,
you were done facing this again…
Those words did not feel like peace.
They felt like a door closing
while I was still standing outside,
wondering if I was still your wife,
or just someone you were slowly letting go of.
I asked you,
“Do you still want me?
Do you still want to be my husband?”
But instead of an answer,
you gave me a question.
“Ask yourself.”
And now I am lost…
Because I know my flaws.
I know I can be emotional.
I know sometimes my heart speaks louder
than my patience.
But I never wanted a perfect person.
I only wanted my person
to hold my hand and say,
“We will learn this together.”
So tell me…
Am I too much to understand?
Am I too difficult to choose?
Or am I just a person
still learning how to love
without hurting the one I love?
Because even my worst sides
are still parts of me.
And I only wanted to know…
After seeing all of me,
the beautiful and the broken,
do you still see
a future with me???
